I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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