Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
