What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
