i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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