i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
