i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
