margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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