Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
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