the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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