I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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