can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
