you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
