sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize