Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
