I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
