Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I think my moral compass just broke
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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