Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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