will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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