We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
