I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
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