I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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