I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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