So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
