i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
