you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
