i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize