So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
