its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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