I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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