when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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