if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
