If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
