she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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