I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
