She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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