I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
