not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
