She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
