you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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