dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
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