Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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