Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
