I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
