the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
