The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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