You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
