I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
