Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
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