So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
It's shark week go big or go home
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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