i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize