Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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