We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
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Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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