Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I did not marry a roomba.
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