i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
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