youre lurking in front of me
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
