you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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