smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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