I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
