Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
