Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
