I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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