I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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