i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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