i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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