So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
