i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
