Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I intend to get homeless drunk
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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