my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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