There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
