They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
