He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
